Kindness Not Judgement

As I write this, we are all reeling from the news of another the tragic death of a celebrity that had been hounded by the media, social media and trolls. This time it is was the vivacious Caroline Flack. My heart is heavy.

Statistically it would seem that appearing on Love Island or any other reality TV show for that matter is more likely to contribute to an early death than terrorism and several known carcinogens combined.

It is of course, not so much the show itself but what happens around it and afterwards. Terry Pratchett put it best:

“Always remember that the crowd that applauds your coronation is the same crowd that will applaud your beheading. People like a show.”

― Terry Pratchett

There are always contributing factors, life events, pre-dispositions, lifestyle, support network and other influences. But there is an obvious and undeniable relationship between public humiliations and cruel shaming via the media (social, press and otherwise) and these tragic events. We know this. We have seen it too often. The question is why and how this is allowed to continue and what part do we all play in it?

The price they pay for fame?

People often say of people in the public eye, “well, they knew what they were getting into, they chose that life”. But I don’t believe people can ever fully imagine or prepare for the level of hate and maligning we see via the media today. Knowing that you won’t be everyone’s cup of tea and expecting your fair share of bad reviews is one thing. Death threats and character assassinations are quite another.

There is often little resilience-training or emotional preparation for such visibility.  How do you prepare for being the Nation’s darling one moment then vilified the next, with your career and reputation in tatters. A one-off misjudged tweet is enough to bring about such consequences; so fragile is the public’s whim and companies’ fear of subsequent backlash. Let alone being accused of something more nefarious.

These people are not super human, immune, or especially resilient to abuse. In some cases, if their main motivations are driven by external approval, they may possibly be even less resilient than most.

Those in the public eye are usually people that, like every one else, are just trying to do their best to get their needs met, earn a living using their skills and talents, be ‘successful’ (whatever that means for them), and pursue what they think will make them happy (rightly or wrongly). They are just doing it in a public forum where the risks and rewards are potentially both higher.

Celebrity and influencer culture is so heavily glamourised, celebrated and rewarded. But once someone appears to have ‘made it’ in the eyes of the public, its as if they lose all their rights to due care and respect. They get turned into the nation’s punching bag and a place to deflect and project all our own shortcomings and inner ‘boo boos’.

We apparently love an underdog but can’t stand anyone that’s a bit cocky and seems to be doing well for themselves, especially if they seem a bit smug about it. How very dare they ‘love themselves’, we’ll show them! It speaks volumes about the psyche of the British public. Our celebs must be humble, self depreciating and deeply flawed, like us. If not, we will not hesitate or hold back in bringing them down a peg or three.

The press does it because the public buys it.

The public buys it because there is a lot of people out there whose emotions feel like a box of frogs that have been on a long journey across a dirt road in the front basket of a pushbike, with no suspension, on a hot day: Not happy.

If a person struggles to make themselves feel happy or significant, has self-worth issues or feelings like envy, bitterness and disappointment, then a cheap, anonymous, shot at a celebrity that appears to have it all, may create fleeting feelings of relief and empowerment. This may be especially true if their chances of feeling those things through other means are limited. This does not make it ok.

Not just the famous

However, you don’t have to be a celebrity to suffer in this way. The tragedies that play out in the public eye are a more visible version of what is happening in many schools and phone screens around the world. It’s bullying, shaming and isolation. It is emotional cruelty, whatever medium it is happening across and no matter how big the audience.  It usually stems from some form of jealousy or inadequacy.

It is the darker side of humanity, with the lights on, ‘memed’ for our entertainment.

The traditional media know it and exploit it and we have let them do so for too long.

What can we do about it?

As with many problems we encounter, the first place it is worth checking is with ourselves, to dig deep and explore honestly what role we play in allowing or participating in this.

Vote with you eyeballs, clicks and coins

The papers only sell hate because people buy it. The media only spread hateful stories because people click on them. Most of them are not the unbiased bringers of newsworthy events that they’d have you believe. They are businesses that make money out of your attention. If you stop giving them, or those kinds of stories, your attention, it will no longer be viable to continue in the manner in which they have been conducting themselves.  

But can you help yourself from clicking on that headline? Can you bear not to know what she/he has done now? Whether you agree with the story or not, it already has your click. And perhaps you share it, with a ragingly disapproving review, but you have spread it to more eyeballs, clicks and ad revenue.

By boycotting papers and sites that spread hate, both as consumers and advertisers, we can vote with our money, clicks and attention – or lack there of. When we work collectively we are more powerful than they’d like us to believe.

But let’s get deeper.

The darker side of humanity has it’s potential in all of us; we are human and fallible. It can be triggered or awoken in us by different things according to our wounds and emotional maturity.

On an individual level, maturing as a fully functioning human being involves learning how to move out of the less desirable immature states of unbridled displays of emotion (anger/ neediness/ jealousy/ selfishness/ lack of appreciation of consequences etc.), to emotional maturity  (self-regulation/ an appreciation of consequence/ empathy/ personal responsibility/ respect for others, etc.).

Part of maintaining a civilized society is about how it facilitates, encourages and supports this essential maturing in its people through education, families, societal structures, cultural messages, what’s accepted, rewarded and celebrated. Alongside how we manage the people that do not, cannot or will not display the level of development or consideration required for them to be a part of that society in a positive or healthy way (laws, consequences, rights, legal protection etc.).

This is not Utopia

Now, we do not live in a harmonious or perfect world full of perfect people. Some discord is inevitable and in most cases even desirable. We don’t want a dictatorship of full compliant robots, we are human, messy and emotional and we need space and freedom to be that and to grow from it. Freedom of speech, expression and personal liberties are essential for a healthy evolving society that works for all of the people that are part of it.

However, you have to start to wonder if we aren’t a ‘little’ out of balance when people are dying as a consequence of not getting this line right. It’s time we collectively and individually have a good hard look at ourselves and all grow up and out of this together.

Both the traditional and social media seem to be stuck in the mindset of an angry petulant teenager trying to bring everyone down to make themselves feel better. (Not all teens are like this of course but you get the reference). Are they (the papers) creatures of our own making or are we creatures of theirs? That is a potentially depressing line of enquiry.

Either way it’s time to ‘take the power back’ as they would say and stop letting ourselves be manipulated and influenced by the ferociously unkind, vile and vindictive distortions that they spout. They have got away with insulting our intelligence and lowering moral standards for too long. 

Yes, there is a lot more that could be positively influenced via education and laws and we should absolutely call for this. But the real change comes when we as a people take responsibility for our cultural, emotional development, and change because we have collectively grown and matured, not just because a law has been passed.

So how do we all grow out of this together?

Firstly we need to recognise the drivers of this behaviour and bring some awareness into the mix.

Nice, happy, well-adjusted people don’t spread hate or troll. They might not like someone or agree with them but they aren’t generally filled with the vitriol it takes to post or spread hate online.

It has been said that people (or at least a part of them) are generally stuck at the emotional maturity of the age of their deepest wound. It can stunt our emotional growth because, unresolved, it leaves us with active triggers as the subconscious tries to protect us from re-experiencing the trauma again in real life.

It does this by warning us of perceived threats and leaves us with a distorted frame of the world that is always on the lookout for similar or related aspects. Those aspects will appear exaggerated to us and when spotted, will trigger strong emotions that demand some kind of action or relief.

We will most likely have created a belief about ourselves, others or the world at the same time as a reference. Without context or knowing the full picture as a child, this belief may or may not be helpful as we move into adulthood. Our brain’s priority is our survival, not fact checking or even our happiness.

The ‘trauma’ can be big or small. Even feeling unloved or unworthy can be traumatic to a child and affect the way they go on to interact with the world as a result.

It is most possible, even likely, that the people that are so hateful online and elsewhere are in some state of emotional pain and distortion, even if it is subconscious. It does not excuse it but to have any hope of changing it we need to at least try to understand it.

The cauldron of hate

Now, make no mistake, we all have pain and distortions but we don’t all participate in such hateful behaviour towards others. Being in pain does not absolve you from causing pain in others. But it can be helpful in understanding what triggers those actions and shed some light on what drives people to do and say things that, to many of us, seem hard to fathom.

The combination of ingredients necessary for personal triggers to spill out into the hate we see, may be a combination of some of the following:

  • Their particular distortions/pain:

Low self worth, jealousy, regret, guilt, loneliness, isolation, feeling powerless, sadness, anger, health, pain, boredom, desire for significance, limitations or restrictions etc.

  • Emotional Maturity:

Their emotional resourcefulness/ maturity and ability to self manage when triggered. Which can be influenced by their upbringing, unresolved active traumas or wounds, level of consciousness and self awareness, mental capacity, education, general well being, health and state of mind.

  • Resources:

The options and resources available to that person to get relief from that discomfort or pain and get their needs met, feel better, significant, release anger and heal in any meaningful way.

  • The culture of acceptability:

Safety or anonymity around that behaviour (can I get away with this without personal consequence).

  • Community and benefits – approval, connection and positive consequences of the action. (Are my peers going to think this is funny and share/like. Am I going to get points/ respect/ influence for this etc.).

There will be more but it’s a place to start.

Now – I am not suggesting that we all just feel sorry for or get all fluffy about people who get their kicks or distorted needs met through hurting other people online. But when we start to recoginse what might be going on with them it might 1) take a bit of the power out of it, and 2) highlight areas of concern that should not be overlooked when we are talking about solutions to this problem.

The fact that the perpetrators span all medias and all demographics means that an effective response needs to be both deep and wide. Practical, legal, cultural and educational.

The misery of trolling is spread with the same severity of consequence by national newspapers as it is in the classroom WhatsApp group. By every age and social position.  The frequencies of our lowest emotional states will seek expression and relief in whatever way they can. We need to consciously choose to be of a higher vibration.

Looking towards solutions – Questions to ask and topics to explore.

For the first three:

  • Individual distortion or pain/ Emotional Maturity/ Resources

How do we become a society were more people have the internal resources to meet their needs in constructive ways. Some people don’t even have the language for how they feel let alone know what to do about it. How do we support growth, intelligence, and development in this area, create a shared language, access to resources, increase education and raise the bar of what is considered acceptable behaviour.

Increased support for mental and emotional health issues is desperately needed. We are failing here quite spectacularly. Funding will no doubt play a big part of this. From schools to GP surgeries and beyond,  we need to do much better.

  • The culture of acceptability:

No longer making it acceptable for individuals or media (traditional or social) to propagate false or harmful content. Exploring laws, protective rights, and other legal interventions and consequences, alongside cultural non-acceptance of the spouting of hate and maligning that we have been witness to for too long.

  • Community and benefits:

Removing the financial or social benefits of such behaviour. Boycotts or non-response. Unlike, disengage, leave them in the void of silence to think about what they’ve done. Make them fear ‘de-relevance’.

And don’t be fooled by the seemingly, rich, successful and famous that spout hate. Despite appearing to have a very high regard for themselves and plentiful financial resources, if they are bullies and regularly enjoy bringing down others, that is a symptom of a deep insatiable, emotional deficit that they are trying to fill or control.

It has been proven time and time again that the majority of those considered ‘rich and famous’ are far from being pinnacles of mental health and happiness.

At the end of the day, everyone is just doing their best to meet their needs, to move away from pain and towards what they think will make them happy. Some people have more options and internal or external resources to do this than others. We can judge and hate back or we can try and raise our standards for everybody.

Summary:

Any solution will be complex and multi-faceted because the problem is so prevalent across all mediums and demographics. But let’s look at what we can do.

Personally

Don’t get sucked into the circus of gossip, outrage, comparison and B.S. If something or someone makes you feel bad, angry or triggered, step away. Find the emotional development tools that work for you. See it as a prompt for an area of self-work to grow from. Ask yourself why that triggered a response in you; what must you believe to feel that way? Get radically honest with yourself.

Acknowledge that you don’t always have to respond. Sometimes silence is the best answer. Take social media breaks. Don’t believe everything you read. Be kind – always. There is a whole lot of life to live, don’t waste your time on low vibrational information, activates and people. That is so last decade 😉

Check in on your friends, look out for changes in their interactions, unusual quiet spells, red flags or cries for help. This wont always be obvious. If you see friends getting abuse, reach out to them in real life. If someone shares that they are suffering, take it seriously, listen, make time for them. Encourage them to get professional help if you suspect they need more support.

If you are receiving abuse, reach out, get help, please don’t suffer in silence. It’s not actually a reflection on you, it is a reflection of the perpetrators’ own moral and emotional deficits. Don’t take it in. This will not last forever, things can and will get better.  You are not alone in this. You count. Stay.

Numbers to contact for support below.

Don’t feed the monster

Bullies – Recognise that the bullies are working with lower emotional states and emotional deficits. Not engaging, feeding, reacting or participating in any way with them removes the positive reinforcement they get from responses. By responding – you just make them more relevant. If a high profile bully tweets into an empty void of no response and tumbleweed, who wins?  Exactly. Don’t feed the monster.

Papers – we can influence them, vote with your coins, attention and boycott the guilty ones. Force them to raise their standards. They are a business and have to respond if enough people change what they accept or buy into.

Media – don’t click the salacious headlines, boycott the guilty and hateful outlets. You know who they are.

Laws and government – contact your MPs, raise the matter, sign petitions for serious interventions that make the media up its standards and operational procedures that both protect individuals and preserve free speech. 

Education – let’s not leave anyone behind. Let’s create a shared language and access to tools that breed better emotional development and resilience.

Let’s raise our standards, individually, collective, nationally and globally and make this the age of emotional intelligence and better mental health, for everyone.

Let’s all grow up, together.

Choose kindness.

Numbers for support (UK)

  • Samaritans (for everyone) – 116 123
  • CALM (for men) – 0800 58 58 58
  • Papyrus (people under 35) – 0800 068 41 41
  • ChildLine (19 and under) – 0800 1111

#choosekindness #carolineslaw #antibullying #wecandobetter #mentalhealth

#dontchoosehate #votewithyouractions #carolineflackrip #carolineflack

Goal setting workbooks

Goal setting, planning and reviewing

+ Self-honesty, awareness and discipline

= Next level awesomeness and growth


Goal setting plays an important part of my work with clients. Without a clear focus on what we want to achieve and someone holding us accountable, our fears and doubts can get the better of us in sometimes sneaky and subtle ways.

Distractions, procrastination, hesitations or negative self-talk are just some of the ways that resistance can show up can hold us back.

The anti-dote is focus, commitment, support and resilience.

Set that goal and then deal with the obstacles as they reveal themselves, whether they are mental, emotional, physical or strategic.

Find the strategies, support, skills or healing you need to consistently take baby steps or even leaps and bounds, in the direction of your goals.


Tips for manifesting goals:

  1. Writing down and committing to your compelling goals and your big ‘why’ is the first step in creating the focus you need to see them through.
  2. Create a compelling vision of your goal being achieved. Focus on the feeling of this becoming a reality for 5 to 10 mins a day. Then let it go and relax in the knowing that it’s on its way.
  3. Take inspired action, daily. no matter how small.
  4. When blocks, self-sabotaged, discomfort, skills gaps or challenges show up (which they will if your goal is big enough); reach out, seek advice, healing, coaching, apps, courses, strategies, skills, extend your network and ultimately grow through the challenge.
  5. Acknowledge your efforts and growth. Have gratitude for both the challenge and the solutions.
  6. Set some more goals!
  7. Enjoy the journey

These goal setting journals from Leonie Dawson, makes goal setting, for life and business, creative, fun and inspiring, as it should be. I’ve really enjoyed working with these work books this year.


How do you do your goal setting? What strategies do you have in place to overcome inevitable challenges? Who’s in your support network to offer feedback and moral support when you need it?


If you think coaching or some support clearing emotional or mental blocks is in order, get in touch to see see how I can support you achieving your big vision and goals with more ease and enjoyment.

Chestnut

Look for the gift

Things aren’t always as they seem. Just because a situation or person seems difficult or uncomfortable at first, if you look a bit deeper, you might find the hidden gift (and I promise you it won’t be socks).


I’m sure you’ve heard people say “there is usually a gift in a challenge” and rolled your eyes accordingly thinking how easy it is to say that from the spectator box. However, finding the bigger truth in this can be life changing.
The situations that trigger us into our negative beliefs and emotions are showing us what parts of us need healing and bringing back into balance.

Healing our negative beliefs is (I believe) a large part of ‘the work’ we are here to do and the reward is the kind of heart opening freedom and clarity that can neither be bought nor taken away.


Our triggers have reasons – our problems were once solutions

There will, of course, be good reasons for these beliefs. Your body and mind are always trying to protect or help you (despite how it may feel sometimes).


We start developing our frame of the world and ourselves long before we have the ability to communicate, reason, understand context or question things.


From 0 to 7 we are like little sponges, we accept the world around us, whatever state it’s in and adapt to it based on our ability to get our needs met.


This includes what we need to do for love and attention. Anything that is perceived as a threat to that crucial need being met can feel traumatic because we are so dependent on our parents’ ability (and desire) to nurture us.

‘Big Ts’, ‘small ts’ and trauma files

Traumatic events, whether they are big Ts (accidents, abuse, violence) or small Ts (hurt feelings, emotional neglect, absent parent), all go deeply into the sub-conscious and create a kind of ‘trauma file’ for future reference and self protection.


The file contains everything that was happening in and around you that moment. All your senses are involved; what you could see, hear, smell, taste, even the food you were digesting at the time, what was in the atmosphere (smoke, grass seeds, the smell of onions), facial expressions, voices, feelings – everything. A part of you remains alert to all of those elements that were present during the moment of trauma and a ‘red flag’ is raised when that any of them that are considered significant enough, or a relevant combination of them, presents in real life, or even in your mind.


Yes, we can (and do) even trigger ourselves. You can be triggered into a state of upset, just by reliving an event or associated beliefs in your mind.


Or even by experiencing something completely unrelated but that contains one or a combination of elements that your mind considers relevant to the trauma.


A look or certain tone of voice can be enough to raise that red flag and send us into fight, flight or shut down mode. Usually whatever coping mechanism we employed at the time is used again and again; seeing as we didn’t die the first time the brain sees it as successful. This is how the beliefs, decisions, techniques and behavioural adaptions we made as a child, back before we knew any better, get activated even as adults, when in truth most of them could do with a good old upgrade (to put it mildly).


Distorted Perceptions, it’s not me, it’s you, or is it?

Sometimes we can be so used to certain people or situations setting us off that we really believe that it’s them, not us. We can actually end up perceiving things in a different and distorted way; such is the power of our minds.
Being right about things makes us feel safe and sane so our brain will subconsciously look for, attract or create situations that reinforce our beliefs, perceptions and sense of self.

Obviously sometimes the other person really is being an un-resourceful unconscious, un-evolved, less than best version of themselves (jerk), or the situation might really seem to challenge logic and the limits of both reality and your patience (an impossible nightmare). But all of those things can be true and tricky and still not ‘trigger’ you into a spiral of negative feelings and beliefs.
It can be the difference between ‘good stress’ – mild to fair, comfortably frequent challenge that encourages growth. And ‘bad stress’ that causes a near constant release of the stress hormone cortisol, repetitive anxious thought patterns, overwhelm and fatigue.

I think I’ve been here before?

So when we find ourselves upset or triggered by something, it can be helpful to dig into the message, the belief and the emotion that it’s bringing up. What does it remind you of? What is the pattern playing out here, what still needs healing?
Once you find the memories that contributed to you creating the beliefs about yourself, other people, or the world. You have the power to start freeing yourself from negative and unhelpful beliefs that no longer serve you.


Beliefs + Emotion = Vibe

This is important and empowering because your beliefs affect how you show up in the world, what you think is possible for yourself, how you vibrate in terms of frequency (your vibe) and therefore what other people pick up from you and respond to.
People know when you’re not being authentic, when you don’t believe in yourself or are uncomfortable. We are all communicating at much deeper levels than we are consciously aware of.
The energy you give off affects the energy you get back. Like attracts like. What you see in your life is a reflection of what is going on inside of you.
The aim is to be clear, calm, at peace with yourself, compassionate to self and others, whilst wisely discerning and with healthy boundaries.

Mirror Mirror

We are all magnets and we attract mirrors to reflect what is inside us so that we can know ourselves, heal ourselves, and both consciously and joyfully evolve our mind, body and spirit.
If you don’t like what is being reflected back to you in your life, your mirrors are showing you where your distortions are, what needs love and attention, where you need to go to heal and integrate the lessons that will gift you the greatest freedoms and peace.


This is why your triggers are gifts and it’s true to say that there is love in every moment, even the painful ones. They lead you to the release of the illusions that caused you the pain in the first place, (if you take the time to reflect on them). The only way out is through.

So what can we do about it?

You’ve got this. Meditation, self-reflection, self honesty, good boundaries, self care, spiritual study can get you a long way. Give yourself time and love yourself enough to make your healing priority.


Taking a holistic approach to your self-care is paramount. Know your needs and meet them as a priority. We are all more triggerable if we are depleted and run down.


Remember that you are not on your own. There are many great techniques and therapies out there, it is just a case of exploring and finding the right ones for you. Go with your instincts.


Personally, I can offer support with a combination of coaching and holistic therapies; Hypnosis, NLP, Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) or Tapping as it is often referred to and Matrix Re-imprinting. This is a technique where we gently find and release the trauma (big or small) and negative beliefs from the associated memories, installing more positive and beneficial ones, naturally upgrading your point of attraction.


The key is that when you feel triggered by a challenging person or situation, remember that you have a choice: You can hold on to it tightly and squeeze all the drama out of it or, like it the picture, you can hold it loosely, find the gift wrapped up in it all, then put it down and let it go.


Take aways:

Great questions to ask yourself when you start to feel or think things that don’t benefit you:

  • “What else could be true about this situation”?
  • “What pattern or belief is reflecting back to me here, what still needs healing?”
  • “What would I have to believe about this situation/person to feel what I’m feeling right now?
  • And conversely, “what would I have to believe to feel better/ differently/ more empowered about this?”

If you’d like help working through and releasing some of your negative patterns or beliefs, feel free to get in touch and see if we’re a good fit

Inner child reflection image

Working with ‘Big-T’ and ‘small-t’ traumas.

Why both deserve our respect and attention.

EFT & Matrix Reimprinting can be helpful in releasing anxiety, stress, depression, low self-esteem, phobias, traumas, negative subconscious beliefs, grief or any past event you might need help moving on from.
Even physical conditions can sometimes have their root in the mental/emotional stress. Finding and gently releasing the root cause of emotional stress can bring great relief, healing and new perspectives to your life.
So what exactly is EFT and Matrix Reimprinting?


‘EFT’ (Emotional Freedom Technique or Tapping as it is often called) has been likened to emotional acupuncture, without the needles. Based on the same ancient Chinese meridian system, it works by releasing blocked mental and emotional energy, allowing our body to return to its natural state of health and vitality.


Instead of needles we achieve this by gently tapping with our fingers on specific points on the body that relate to our physical/emotional energy systems called meridians, whilst focusing on and eventually reframing the issue or event.
The practitioner guides you through the process while you mirror them, tapping on yourself, or they can tap on you if you prefer. The simple sequence of tapping points we use, while tuning into the feeling or problem, allows the releasing of negative emotion and is both relaxing and uplifting.


In this state we can gently explore the ‘source’ of the negative feelings and the attached unhelpful beliefs that may be re-triggering undesired issues (like anxiety, lack of confidence etc.) and holding them in place.The ‘source’ tends to be a memory or group of memories around a specific belief or theme of beliefs, created during a traumatic event, deep learning experience or early childhood.

Child playing outside

These tend to fall into two categories – ‘Big-T’ traumas or ‘Small-t’ traumas.
While Big-T traumas are more obvious and dramatic and of course require attention, healing and respect, small-t traumas can create just as much of a challenge for someone’s well being over time. They can slip in unnoticed and affect someone’s sense of self and the world around them in less obvious ways.


Big-T Traumas are the obvious traumatic events like accidents, assaults, abuse, war, or loss of a loved one. For example, if someone had been involved with an accident that was traumatic, as well as the troubling memories, they may have created the belief that ‘the world isn’t safe’, or ‘bad things can happen at any time’, leaving them feeling constantly anxious or on guard.
Small-t traumas, in contrast, tend to be the ones that we have accumulated during life and often childhood whilst learning about the world and our place in it, without the benefit of context or adult perspective. They usually have their roots between the ages of 0-7 years of age, and can have a habit of showing up in increasingly significant ways as a noticeable pattern throughout our lives. Conscious memory of early childhood is not a requirement to work on these effectively.


Small-t events can in fact be very innocent and ordinary but depending on what we make it mean, can end up having a profound impact on our sense of self as we build evidence for the belief we created around it.


For example a teacher telling you off you in front of the class, an exhausted a parent that continually snaps or criticizes, fall outs with friends, sibling rivalries, parents fighting, any information that had been adopted in a distorted and unhelpful way that makes you think something dis-empowering about yourself or your place in the world. Like: ‘It’s my fault’, ‘I’m not good enough’, ‘I’m un-loveable’, ‘it’s not safe to be me’, ‘I don’t fit in’, ‘I’m no good’. The list is endless and personal to each individual.

Sad child at window

Then, the next time something else similar happens, your subconscious (hypothetically) puts it in the same mental/emotional file. Over time this one little belief has enough ‘evidence’ to evolve into the way in which you see yourself, other people, and the world around you.


This can affect not only how you see and interpret life but also how you show up in the world and what you attract as a result.
Sometimes the people with seemingly few or no big-T traumas, delay getting help for mental emotional conditions because they hold a sense of unwarranted guilt or shame for struggling when they believe that their life has been ‘fine really’ (compared to some), so continue to suffer in silence.


The beliefs that we create over time as a result of accumulated small-t traumas are no less important or impactful than big-T traumas, just different. EFT & Matrix Reprinting can help gently release the pain of both.


‘MATRIX REIMPRINTING’ is the process of adjusting the memory and negative beliefs once the source memories have been identified. The process is gentle and effective and we are careful to avoid any further upset. The technique removes the emotional charge from the memory and with it, the active stress within your energetic system. We can then instil a more positive and beneficial belief that better serves you, your physical health and your life as a whole.


So whether you have big-T or small-t traumas, whether you can remember your childhood or not, whether you have any idea what is at the root of your issue, EFT and Matrix reimprinting can be a wonderful help in releasing, healing and uncovering your best self.

Healing is freeing
Healing is freeing

For further enquiries get in touch and see how EFT and Matrix Reimprinting could help you.

SUSSEX HOLISTIC THERAPIST & COACH
RUTH ANDERSON-DAVIS