Look for the gift

Things aren’t always as they seem. Just because a situation or person seems difficult or uncomfortable at first, if you look a bit deeper, you might find the hidden gift (and I promise you it won’t be socks).

I’m sure you’ve heard people say “there is usually a gift in a challenge” and rolled your eyes accordingly thinking how easy it is to say that from the spectator box. However, finding the bigger truth in this can be life changing.
The situations that trigger us into our negative beliefs and emotions are showing us what parts of us need healing and bringing back into balance.

Healing our negative beliefs is (I believe) a large part of ‘the work’ we are here to do and the reward is the kind of heart opening freedom and clarity that can neither be bought nor taken away.

Our triggers have reasons – our problems were once solutions

There will, of course, be good reasons for these beliefs. Your body and mind are always trying to protect or help you (despite how it may feel sometimes).

We start developing our frame of the world and ourselves long before we have the ability to communicate, reason, understand context or question things.

From 0 to 7 we are like little sponges, we accept the world around us, whatever state it’s in and adapt to it based on our ability to get our needs met.

This includes what we need to do for love and attention. Anything that is perceived as a threat to that crucial need being met can feel traumatic because we are so dependent on our parents’ ability (and desire) to nurture us.

‘Big Ts’, ‘small ts’ and trauma files

Traumatic events, whether they are big Ts (accidents, abuse, violence) or small Ts (hurt feelings, emotional neglect, absent parent), all go deeply into the sub-conscious and create a kind of ‘trauma file’ for future reference and self protection.

The file contains everything that was happening in and around you that moment. All your senses are involved; what you could see, hear, smell, taste, even the food you were digesting at the time, what was in the atmosphere (smoke, grass seeds, the smell of onions), facial expressions, voices, feelings – everything. A part of you remains alert to all of those elements that were present during the moment of trauma and a ‘red flag’ is raised when that any of them that are considered significant enough, or a relevant combination of them, presents in real life, or even in your mind.

Yes, we can (and do) even trigger ourselves. You can be triggered into a state of upset, just by reliving an event or associated beliefs in your mind.

Or even by experiencing something completely unrelated but that contains one or a combination of elements that your mind considers relevant to the trauma.

A look or certain tone of voice can be enough to raise that red flag and send us into fight, flight or shut down mode. Usually whatever coping mechanism we employed at the time is used again and again; seeing as we didn’t die the first time the brain sees it as successful. This is how the beliefs, decisions, techniques and behavioural adaptions we made as a child, back before we knew any better, get activated even as adults, when in truth most of them could do with a good old upgrade (to put it mildly).

Distorted Perceptions, it’s not me, it’s you, or is it?

Sometimes we can be so used to certain people or situations setting us off that we really believe that it’s them, not us. We can actually end up perceiving things in a different and distorted way; such is the power of our minds.
Being right about things makes us feel safe and sane so our brain will subconsciously look for, attract or create situations that reinforce our beliefs, perceptions and sense of self.

Obviously sometimes the other person really is being an un-resourceful unconscious, un-evolved, less than best version of themselves (jerk), or the situation might really seem to challenge logic and the limits of both reality and your patience (an impossible nightmare). But all of those things can be true and tricky and still not ‘trigger’ you into a spiral of negative feelings and beliefs.
It can be the difference between ‘good stress’ – mild to fair, comfortably frequent challenge that encourages growth. And ‘bad stress’ that causes a near constant release of the stress hormone cortisol, repetitive anxious thought patterns, overwhelm and fatigue.

I think I’ve been here before?

So when we find ourselves upset or triggered by something, it can be helpful to dig into the message, the belief and the emotion that it’s bringing up. What does it remind you of? What is the pattern playing out here, what still needs healing?
Once you find the memories that contributed to you creating the beliefs about yourself, other people, or the world. You have the power to start freeing yourself from negative and unhelpful beliefs that no longer serve you.

Beliefs + Emotion = Vibe

This is important and empowering because your beliefs affect how you show up in the world, what you think is possible for yourself, how you vibrate in terms of frequency (your vibe) and therefore what other people pick up from you and respond to.
People know when you’re not being authentic, when you don’t believe in yourself or are uncomfortable. We are all communicating at much deeper levels than we are consciously aware of.
The energy you give off affects the energy you get back. Like attracts like. What you see in your life is a reflection of what is going on inside of you.
The aim is to be clear, calm, at peace with yourself, compassionate to self and others, whilst wisely discerning and with healthy boundaries.

Mirror Mirror

We are all magnets and we attract mirrors to reflect what is inside us so that we can know ourselves, heal ourselves, and both consciously and joyfully evolve our mind, body and spirit.
If you don’t like what is being reflected back to you in your life, your mirrors are showing you where your distortions are, what needs love and attention, where you need to go to heal and integrate the lessons that will gift you the greatest freedoms and peace.

This is why your triggers are gifts and it’s true to say that there is love in every moment, even the painful ones. They lead you to the release of the illusions that caused you the pain in the first place, (if you take the time to reflect on them). The only way out is through.

So what can we do about it?

You’ve got this. Meditation, self-reflection, self honesty, good boundaries, self care, spiritual study can get you a long way. Give yourself time and love yourself enough to make your healing priority.

Taking a holistic approach to your self-care is paramount. Know your needs and meet them as a priority. We are all more triggerable if we are depleted and run down.

Remember that you are not on your own. There are many great techniques and therapies out there, it is just a case of exploring and finding the right ones for you. Go with your instincts.

Personally, I can offer support with a combination of coaching and holistic therapies; Hypnosis, NLP, Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) or Tapping as it is often referred to and Matrix Re-imprinting. This is a technique where we gently find and release the trauma (big or small) and negative beliefs from the associated memories, installing more positive and beneficial ones, naturally upgrading your point of attraction.

The key is that when you feel triggered by a challenging person or situation, remember that you have a choice: You can hold on to it tightly and squeeze all the drama out of it or, like it the picture, you can hold it loosely, find the gift wrapped up in it all, then put it down and let it go.

Take aways:

Great questions to ask yourself when you start to feel or think things that don’t benefit you:

  • “What else could be true about this situation”?
  • “What pattern or belief is reflecting back to me here, what still needs healing?”
  • “What would I have to believe about this situation/person to feel what I’m feeling right now?
  • And conversely, “what would I have to believe to feel better/ differently/ more empowered about this?”

If you’d like help working through and releasing some of your negative patterns or beliefs, feel free to get in touch and see if we’re a good fit

Inner child reflection image

Working with ‘Big-T’ and ‘small-t’ traumas.

Why both deserve our respect and attention.

EFT & Matrix Reimprinting can be helpful in releasing anxiety, stress, depression, low self-esteem, phobias, traumas, negative subconscious beliefs, grief or any past event you might need help moving on from.
Even physical conditions can sometimes have their root in the mental/emotional stress. Finding and gently releasing the root cause of emotional stress can bring great relief, healing and new perspectives to your life.
So what exactly is EFT and Matrix Reimprinting?

‘EFT’ (Emotional Freedom Technique or Tapping as it is often called) has been likened to emotional acupuncture, without the needles. Based on the same ancient Chinese meridian system, it works by releasing blocked mental and emotional energy, allowing our body to return to its natural state of health and vitality.

Instead of needles we achieve this by gently tapping with our fingers on specific points on the body that relate to our physical/emotional energy systems called meridians, whilst focusing on and eventually reframing the issue or event.
The practitioner guides you through the process while you mirror them, tapping on yourself, or they can tap on you if you prefer. The simple sequence of tapping points we use, while tuning into the feeling or problem, allows the releasing of negative emotion and is both relaxing and uplifting.

In this state we can gently explore the ‘source’ of the negative feelings and the attached unhelpful beliefs that may be re-triggering undesired issues (like anxiety, lack of confidence etc.) and holding them in place.The ‘source’ tends to be a memory or group of memories around a specific belief or theme of beliefs, created during a traumatic event, deep learning experience or early childhood.

Child playing outside

These tend to fall into two categories – ‘Big-T’ traumas or ‘Small-t’ traumas.
While Big-T traumas are more obvious and dramatic and of course require attention, healing and respect, small-t traumas can create just as much of a challenge for someone’s well being over time. They can slip in unnoticed and affect someone’s sense of self and the world around them in less obvious ways.

Big-T Traumas are the obvious traumatic events like accidents, assaults, abuse, war, or loss of a loved one. For example, if someone had been involved with an accident that was traumatic, as well as the troubling memories, they may have created the belief that ‘the world isn’t safe’, or ‘bad things can happen at any time’, leaving them feeling constantly anxious or on guard.
Small-t traumas, in contrast, tend to be the ones that we have accumulated during life and often childhood whilst learning about the world and our place in it, without the benefit of context or adult perspective. They usually have their roots between the ages of 0-7 years of age, and can have a habit of showing up in increasingly significant ways as a noticeable pattern throughout our lives. Conscious memory of early childhood is not a requirement to work on these effectively.

Small-t events can in fact be very innocent and ordinary but depending on what we make it mean, can end up having a profound impact on our sense of self as we build evidence for the belief we created around it.

For example a teacher telling you off you in front of the class, an exhausted a parent that continually snaps or criticizes, fall outs with friends, sibling rivalries, parents fighting, any information that had been adopted in a distorted and unhelpful way that makes you think something dis-empowering about yourself or your place in the world. Like: ‘It’s my fault’, ‘I’m not good enough’, ‘I’m un-loveable’, ‘it’s not safe to be me’, ‘I don’t fit in’, ‘I’m no good’. The list is endless and personal to each individual.

Sad child at window

Then, the next time something else similar happens, your subconscious (hypothetically) puts it in the same mental/emotional file. Over time this one little belief has enough ‘evidence’ to evolve into the way in which you see yourself, other people, and the world around you.

This can affect not only how you see and interpret life but also how you show up in the world and what you attract as a result.
Sometimes the people with seemingly few or no big-T traumas, delay getting help for mental emotional conditions because they hold a sense of unwarranted guilt or shame for struggling when they believe that their life has been ‘fine really’ (compared to some), so continue to suffer in silence.

The beliefs that we create over time as a result of accumulated small-t traumas are no less important or impactful than big-T traumas, just different. EFT & Matrix Reprinting can help gently release the pain of both.

‘MATRIX REIMPRINTING’ is the process of adjusting the memory and negative beliefs once the source memories have been identified. The process is gentle and effective and we are careful to avoid any further upset. The technique removes the emotional charge from the memory and with it, the active stress within your energetic system. We can then instil a more positive and beneficial belief that better serves you, your physical health and your life as a whole.

So whether you have big-T or small-t traumas, whether you can remember your childhood or not, whether you have any idea what is at the root of your issue, EFT and Matrix reimprinting can be a wonderful help in releasing, healing and uncovering your best self.

Healing is freeing
Healing is freeing

For further enquiries get in touch and see how EFT and Matrix Reimprinting could help you.