Forgiveness – What it is and what it isn’t:
Many people, myself included at one time, have thought forgiveness to equal letting someone off the hook, saying it (whatever needed forgiving) was Okay. Sometimes that just isn’t possible or desirable. Sometimes things seem unforgivable or the other person doesn’t even want or care for our forgiveness – what then? We are told we should be forgiving but why? Especially if they don’t ‘deserve it’ in our eyes or don’t even seek it? However, the important thing I have learnt about forgiveness, both in my life and through my work with many clients, is that forgiveness is actually rarely for or about the other person. It’s ultimately for you and it can be truly liberating and transformative.
- Letting someone off the hook or condoning their behaviour
- Implying what they did was OK
- Saying that what they did didn’t hurt you or matter a great deal
- Minimizing the impact of their actions or the consequences
- Saying it through gritted and not meaning it
- Naivety or allowing the same situation to arise
- For them
- Releasing yourself from the burden of physical/mental/emotional energy that was created by the other person/ incident.
- Relieving your nervous system from the energy drain required to hold on to anger, resentment and unforgiveness.
- Relieving your mind from replaying the thoughts of what you could have/ should have said.
- Acknowledging that any behaviour that hurts another person is often caused by a level of unconsciousness, wounding, disadvantage, ignorance or lack of development.
- Releasing the energetic-emotional cords between yourself and the person or incident.
- Considering and trying to find the eventual benefits of the incident. (E.g. increased wisdom, discovering boundaries and self respect, beginning a mission of self-healing, transformation, new people that entered your life, increased compassion or purpose etc. Often the things that hurt us create a seeking for healing or understanding and this can transform us for the better if we let it).
- Considering the role we played in it and what we can learn or change going forward.
- Healing at the deepest levels.
- For your own wellbeing.
The Stress of ‘Un-Forgiveness’
We all know stress causes illness. Emotions such as anger, resentment and unforgiveness create a stress in the body and the nervous system and are very draining to hold on to. They can keep you highly triggerable and stuck in fight or flight, sometimes for years.
In my work with clients it is often when they can get to the place of sincere forgiveness that the biggest shifts take place, physically, mentally and emotionally. Even forgiving the unforgivable is possible and the effect of the release of tension and trauma that had been carried for years can be truly transformative. Like a weight released.
Forgiving the self can also be a big part of the work too. Looking at where you have been less than good to yourself, or have contributed to any of your own or others suffering can be enlightening albeit a little uncomfortable at first.
Shinning a light on these areas, owning them and forgiving them helps release self-devaluing shame and blame that is so often just under the anger we use to protect ourselves.
We are ALL works in progress and the more we can forgive ourselves and others for our inevitable failings, the quicker we can heal and move into the high frequencies of compassion, wellness and abundance. It changes our perceptions, relationships, point of attraction and therefore our life experience.
Forgiveness can be a big piece of work or it can happen in an instance.
Anger, resentment or any unforgiveness that you feel only harms you, forgiveness is the antidote and the key to our deepest healing. This is true for our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual wellbeing.
Tools such as EFT Matrix Reimprinting, Hypnosis, NLP, ACE, Coaching, journalling and Meditation among others can all help you achieve insights that lead to the ability to forgive and relase yourself from unhelpful emotions.
If you would like support in any of these areas feel free to reach out.
Wishing you a wise and open heart.